I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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