sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
