Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
