But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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