I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
