youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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