if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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