Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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