Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
