And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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