Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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