It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
