Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can you bring me the toilet please
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
