she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Your penis caused this!
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