Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
