In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
