My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
