You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
