I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
