Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
