i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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