Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
