my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
