I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
