whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
