So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
