did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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