Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
