So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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