He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
