Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
