Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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