I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
