Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
