I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
