Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
