I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
