i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i out mim tonsoeep
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
