i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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