Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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