ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
