why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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