its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
