So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
