Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You pole danced in your parka.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
