If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
