It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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