WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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