Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All I want is dick and wine.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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