There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize