she was so not down for the gang bang
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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