All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
