I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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