who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
