We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
