The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
