my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
