Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
