I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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