Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
