yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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