I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
