god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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